Started the day painting in the studio. Even Rich liked the color near my face. Lots of comments like "That color looks so good on you! You look so cute."
Ended the day at a garden party for a birthday. Felt overdressed, but the group was younger than me, so I decided to be comfortable and I was. What concerned me more was making anyone feel underdressed. But oddly, Anne of Green Gables comes to mind. She cherished fashion in the most healthy way. huh....
"Once I lose weight, I'll ____________." Basically, I was held hostage by that thought until, well, right now. Earning approval is distasteful to me. It seems wrong. And yet, I live there. I people please.
Shadows of my dad evaluating everyone by their appearance left me handcuffed between "Look nice to be accepted." and "This is so wrong. I'm not doing that!"
My mom criticized beauty queens as if beauty itself is shallow and bad. And yet she was very polished and pretty. It was - is - confusing.
I can admire and be jealous of someone who has great beauty and fashion as I inhale, but find a reason to criticize them and distrust that same person as I exhale. Soooo dysfunctional! But now I see it, so Jesus and I can work on this.
Assignment: Get rid of one piece of clothing that you really need to let go of as it doesn't fit your true goals to be yourself. I got rid of that black peasant skirt and the top I wore with it from Day 1. Funny. Those skirts are so "in" right now, but it's BLACK. I don't like black on me. I never have. "They" said that black is essential. It's just NOT. Especially if it makes me feel depressed.
But I LOVE black on other people when it sings and makes them look alive, like my friend Mitzie. I gave her free reign over a pile of black in my closet. Just pulling out the black has made my closet seem bigger and more peaceful! Huh.
Style baggage:
Holding onto garment till it fits again.
Keeping it because I don't know what to wear instead.
Not wanting to shop till I lose weight. (Mantra for the past 20 years. That's a lot of neuropathway imbedding in my wee little brain.
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